Ten ways to know that you’re addicted to your computer:-

10) When you begin to laugh you yell, LOL.

9) You tell your computer you love it, more than you tell your spouse.

8) Your house catches on fire and you run home to save your computer before your family.

7) Your computer is your ONLY friend.

6) You think cyber sex is better than real sex.

5) You type only in short hand (YO ROFLMAO I’LL BRB B4 U RTFM LOL).

4) You type 40 words a minute with two fingers.

3) Your twins are named RAM & ROM.

2) After breaking from your computer, you realize you have gained 40lbs, have grown hair in unusual places, your spouse and kids have left you, and Windows 3.1 is outdated.

1) YOU READ STUFF LIKE THIS!

Technorati Tags: joke, computers

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your tissue to other passengers.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: “Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!”

Sell Girl Scout cookies.

Shave.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

Do Tai Chi exercises.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got new underwear on!”

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now, motion sickness!”

Meow occassionally.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “oops!”

Sing “Mary had a little lamb” while continually pushing buttons.

Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Leave a box between the doors.

Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?”

Play the harmonica.

Shadow box.

Say “Ding!” at each floor.

Lean against the button panel.

Say “I wonder what all these do” and push the red buttons.

Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your “personal space.”

Bring a chair along.

Blow spit bubbles.

Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Stare at your thumb and say “I think it’s getting larger.”

no tag

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
” Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

6. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about. ”

7. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

8. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

9. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

10. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

11. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

12. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

13. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

14. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

15. My mother taught me ESP.
“What have you been up to? I know you’re up to something?”

16. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

17. My mother taught me DECISION MAKING.
“Don’t make me stop this car.”

18. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

19. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. You were not born in a barn!”

20. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

21. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”

Technorati Tags: joke, mother